You Are There

You Are There

Written by Chris Black
Directed by John Laing

Episode synopsis:

Segment one:

Xena and Gabrielle travel to the Norse lands. Intercepted by Valkyries, they fight them off until a modern roving reporter, complete with camera man and microphone tries to interview them.

Segment two:

The reporter accuses Xena of coming to kill Odin and make herself a god. She storms away, incensed. He then travels to the river Styx and interviews Charon about Xena's bloody path across the known world. He also bumps into Caligula, on his way to the underworld. Caligula denouces Xena's heroic intentions and claims she just loves the violence as much as he did. The reporter also manages to get an interview with Odin who claims that Xena is in collusion with Ares, her true love, to steal the golden apples and makes themselves gods.

Segment three:

After finding Xena and Ares together in a shack at the end of town, the reporter then travels to Heaven and interviews Michael, who accuses Xena of always following her own desires, whatever the consequences. Next he travels to Hell and Satan talks of his hatred for her. Eve is interviewed next and freaks out in defense of her mother. Finally, Gabrielle is brought into the studio where she reveals that she does not love Xena.

Segment four:

Xena arrives and tells the reporter that love has left the world. Trying to verify the story, the reporter travels to a bordello where he finds Ares and a booming business. A cloaked figure suggests that he "follow the love" so he tracks down Aphrodite who confirms that without her to replenish the world's love, it has disappeared. The reporter then finds Xena in Valhalla, battling Odin.

Segment five:

Xena defeats Odin and gives the golden apples to Ares and Aphrodite, restoring their godhoods. Love returns to the world.

Disclaimer: The concept of linear time was severly harmed during the making of this motion picture.

Moments Of Subtext:

• Xena warns a stagehand who is trying to attach a microphone to Gabrielle's top: "You watch your hands, buddy."
• Caligula hints at their relationship: "She and that bard of hers--yeah like we don't know what's going on there."
• Gabrielle is put on the hot seat by the reporter: "Gabrielle, isn't it possible that you are confused by your own feelings for Xena?"
  "My feelings for Xena?"
  "Come on, Gabrielle, I know that Xena is more to you than just a friend."
  "Okay, your right. She's my best friend."
  "What would you say, Gabrielle, if I told you that not too long ago I found your 'friend,' Xena, in a tumble down little love shack at the edge of town in the arms of Ares? How do you feel about that, Gabrielle?"
  "I don't know how I feel."
  "Tell us the truth. You and Xena are lovers, aren't you? Or should I say you were lovers until you were replaced by Ares? Gabrielle, are you in love with Xena?"
  "I don't love Xena."
• The reporter asks "Xena, are you in love with Gabrielle?" She answers by telling him that mortals have lost the ability to love.
• After an argument Gabrielle remarks, "We're saying things that people who love each other would never say."
• Aphrodite says: "Gabrielle, I have to say I'm glad to see you're still travelling with Xena. I was afraid that with me away from Olympus you two might not be so close."
  To which Gabrielle responds: "No, we're partners."
• When love returns and everyone is feeling its effects, Xena and Gabrielle stare at each other, smiling.
• The final scene of the show is the reporter confronting Xena and Gabrielle with the following question.
  "Gabrielle, Xena, I have only one more question left. The question that Gabrielle has been avoiding all evening. The question that has never been answered. Are you two lovers?"
  Xena responds, "You're asking--"
  "That's right, I'm asking. Are you two lovers?"
  "That's non of your beeswax, Nigel"
  "Okay Xena," interrupts Gabrielle, "You just risked everything to bring love back into the world."
  "So what?"
  "I think you should answer the question."
  "You do, do you?"
  "Yeah."
  "And now, ladies and gentlemen," says Nigel, "A world exclusive, for the first time anywhere, Xena and Gabrielle reveal the true nature of their relationship. Gabrielle, Xena, are you two lovers?"
  "You want the truth?" asks Xena.
  "That's right, Xena, we want the truth. The whole world wants the truth."
  "It's like this--technically..."
  And then the camera operator's battery dies.

Commentary:

I find this episode insulting. It is after watching episodes like this that I realize how little Xena has been willing to give to us, the viewers. There is very little growth in this series. Everything stays the same. I'm no expert, but it seems to me that this type of television went out of style about a decade ago. Nowadays, shows evolve, characters evolve, writers take chances. Just look at Ally McBeal (I've watched that show a couple of times, but years ago so I may be wrong.) It used to be that the quirky things that happened inside of Ally's head were just that...quirky things. I checked in with the show a year later and guess what? These "imaginations" of Ally had taken a darker turn; she was almost a victim of her own mind. I thought that this was an interesting idea for them to explore; it added a whole new dimension to the series. Xena stopped evolving about two years ago. And now they are giving another obligatory nod to us, the subtext fans by hinting but refusing to once again say anything definitve. How long can you make the relationship between the two main characters vague? How can you possibly keep viewers watching your show when you will not commit to something as fundamental as that?! Choose one relationship or the other, we have a right to know how the two main characters relate. But six years of this straddling the fence is just a slap in our faces.

Okay, so ignoring the subtext, this episode had a good gimmick which I think could have been explored or played with more, but was only used on its most superficial level. I never felt that the reporter was right and that Xena was perhaps reverting to her dark side. So this was sixty minutes of watching someone you know is wrong trying to figure out something for himself which is obvious to everyone else. I find that a difficult definition of "fun" or "entertaining." Though I do have to say that Eve's 'freak out' was funny.